Re:Cycling Thoughts: An Interview with: The Road

The Detroit - Superior Bridge, view looking East, in 1914. Courtesy of the Western Reserve Historical Society. Cuyahoga County Archives collection

Date: March 15, 2013  Five days before the vernal equinox

Setting: The Detroit Superior Bridge, east-bound

Players:

John McGovern (McG)

The Road (Road)

The Tags:

road, the road, snow, looks, beauty, snow, its-bigger-than-hiphop

The Key to Diverse Bracket Styles Used Herein:

(contextual info contained within parenthesis)

[implied meaning contained within brackets]

{contextual sounds contained within curly braces}

McG: {huhuhuh-huhuh-huh-huhuhuh-huhuh-huh-uhuh-huhuhuh} [what an absolutely gorgeous bicyCLE day! {crash pfffffffft-fissssssst} God Damn you Road!!!!!!!

Road: [Hey now! I’ve got enough problems without being damned by God eternal.]

McG: I hear ya, but you just gave me a flat!  What were you expecting, “Hello and how are you?”

Road: [Hrmphhhh....... I’m beat-up and bruised.]

McG: Oh. Sorry to hear that.  You sound depressed and to be quite honest, you look terrible.  Sorry for the harsh words, but my credo for the new year is ‘honesty at any cost’.  It’s my way of being 100% transparent as a means of dealing with the culture of corruption we’ve endured here in this place we call Cleveland.

Road: [ I hear ya!  Nothing wrong with honesty. I know my looks aren’t going to win any beauty pageants these days.]

McG: Hell, tell me about it. You and me both. So, hey, my other credo is to meet people ‘where they are at’ and offer my help from that perspective.  Can I do something for you?

Road: [Well, you could start by stopping that f^ck!ng rock salt!  That stuff just kills my skin.  Leaves me feeling all dried out and full of giant pock-marks.  I’ve haven’t felt this rough in a long time.  Last winter was a breeze by comparison!]

McG: I feel your pain, Road.  That salt kills all the steel parts on my bike and as an owner of a pretty old bike, circa 1980, I really feel the pain all over.  OH what a place it would be if we didn’t use rock salt!

Road: [Well, here in our United States of Merica, there are 8 or so states that receive solid gifts from my good friend The Snow, but don’t use rock salt on their roads. I think it’s Arizona, Colorado, Montana, North Dakota, Oregon, Texas, Washington, & Wyoming. They mostly opt for a liquid brine as a pretreat and sand post, as a means to increased friction.]

McG: Interesting. You are sure full of useful information Road. I don’t quite understand why you call The Snow a friend, but as a full blooded Clevelander, you know I LUVS me some snow!

Road:  [Snow just feels good]

McG: This has been nice. Thanks for the pick me up. One last question before I grab the 26; what type of road do you like the most?

Road: [to paraphrase Phife Dawg from the legendary Tribe, “I like em brown, yellow, puerto rican, or haitian......]

McG: right-on---that’s my Jam!  Hot Damn, the Road know my Jam!